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Yesterday, we took my mom with us out to lunch and to see a Christmas musical called “Home for the Holidays”. It was really great to be out with her. As I struggle to find the Christmas spirit, she’s one of those people who just sort of carries it with her all of the time. I was hoping a little of her cheeriness would rub off on me.

When we got home, I went upstairs to lie down with a heating pad. The day took an enormous amount of energy and I was paying for it.

Often times, I have my laptop to read or watch something to distract me from the pain and fatigue. My body is exhausted but I can’t sleep.

Finn came in and wanted something, a video game on his iPod or something. I said no.

He became furious and said “Sometimes I don’t think you’re tired. I think you’re just lazy.”

I was stunned.

He left the room and I started to cry.

My one fear.

The main one, actually. The fear I carry around with me all day everyday, that people think I am faking or lazy, just came out of the mouth of my child.

I collected myself and called him back in the room.

I told him he hurt my feelings. He said he didn’t mean it. That he was angry.

I tried to explain more but 9 year old boys are impatient and he was so upset that he made me cry that I could tell he just wanted to flee the situation.

So I let him.

But what he said stayed with me. And probably always will.

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