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I Really Would Hurt a Fly

I am a lover of all animals. Even bugs and spiders.  But I really really fucking hate flies.

You know that saying “Oh, she wouldn’t hurt a fly!”

I would.

In fact, I saw one in the sink the other day and I purposely turned on the water and watched it drown. I felt like a total crazy serial killer because I was giggling maniacally when I did it. But they’re DISGUSTING. And the ones in my house are on steroids or some shit. I swear you could put a saddle on them.

And they’re dumb. I try to open the door and shoo them out, giving them a second chance at life, but no, they prefer to continue to fly into the window directly next to the open door to freedom.

I hate them.

This morning, HJ and I took Oliver (joyful joyful mischievous pup) and Atticus (dashing, handsome, older gentleman) on a walk. It’s always sort of comical. They are total Mutt and Jeff.

There are bunnies EVERYWHERE in our neighborhood. I mean EVERYWHERE, so it wasn’t unusual to see one crouching by a garage on our walk.

But then I saw them.

The flies.

All around this poor little thing.

Hadley immediately took action.

“Hold this, Mama.” she said as she handed Ollie’s leash to me and crept closer to the bunny.

It looked bad. The flies told me that. Bastards.

He was really hurt.

Hadley blurts out “You promised me if I ever found a hurt animal, I could help it!”

At this point, she was crying.

Ok, I say. Let’s take the dogs home and come back.

We go home and I look up Wildlife rescue online and call them.

The woman told me that no one would come. That it was better to leave it. I understood but my heart sank.

Then I held my Rare Bird as she sobbed for 30 minutes.

I told her to take her anger and sadness and put it to good use taking care of the animals we already have. So she put Sunny (gecko) in her travel container and took her outside to get her 20 minutes of sunshine.

And then she was fine. It was fascinating.

Husband comes home tonight. I’ve missed him terribly this week. Making a mental note to be sweet and adoring instead of cranky and exhausted. Wish me luck.

PS- I’ve been sucking at posting Thursday Loves regularly. I think I’ll just skip it and post whenever I feel like it.

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I have this habit of collecting artwork I love and then just holding on to it and never framing it. Well, sometimes I do frame it, but I have 4 or 5 that I NEED to frame because they make me happy.

Here is yet another Etsy find that I bought to frame from Pistachio Press.


Original art is so affordable and there are so many talented artists out there. This print, of course, makes me think of me and my furry boys. I also love the subtle pattern in the background. Plus, I just can’t resist letterpress. What is it? I immediately think “Oooo!” and want to touch it.

Kind of in a funk lately and feeling sorry for myself. Feeling SO so so tired and achy. And the heat doesn’t help. The stomach problem persists and really really sucks. I have constant nausea and pain.  I have an ultrasound tomorrow and my gastroenterologist thinks it might be my gallbladder that is causing all of the problems. So, of course, if that’s it, they’ll have to take it out. The endoscopy was uneventful, except I think I know what it feels like to be roofied now. Bizarre experience. Not bad, just bizarre. Totally different from surgery because there really wasn’t a lot of prep time before. I mean, I was still wearing my clothes and shoes!

Did I tell you this already?

I’m always repeating myself.

Anyway, I’m over it and I’m being the meanest Mom ever. And my kids are being the suckiest kids ever in response to me being the meanest Mom ever.

Yesterday, I took them to Wendy’s for dinner and then Baskin Robbins for Ice Cream. Ok, I’ll totally get a ticket from the health police but whatever, i didn’t have to cook OR do dishes so suck it.

We do all that, which in my opinion is pretty damn cool and they’re still being jerks. It was on the tip of my tongue to say “You guys are total assholes.” But of course I didn’t. Then I actually had a mini dialogue with myself about why I couldn’t just tell them they were assholes, which had me laughing out loud.

I’m still on a reading bender. Can’t. Get. Enough! I just finished Live from New York, which was absolutely delicious. I am a comedy nerd and love to hear the ins and outs of things related to comedy. What happens BEHIND the scenes, especially with such an amazing, groundbreaking show. Plus, I’m fascinated by Lorne Michaels.

I am still trudging through Girl With The Hornet’s Nest. It’s strange, I just have no interest but I want to finish it, sort of.

I read Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld, which was a great read and I loved discussing it with the mucho analytical smarty Mrs. R. I’d like to read some other things by her.

I picked up Quantum Wellness yesterday for some help in the “my life is going to shit health wise” category and this could be helpful. We’ll see though. Sometimes these books just end up pissing me off.

Hope you’re having a lovely Tuesday, ladybugs.

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Finn’s Obsessions


The TV show, Wipeout, on ABC. It is a little boy’s dream show. It’s a crazy obstacle course. One of the courses is called “Big Balls.” For reals. If that doesn’t leave a boy in fits of laughter for 20 minutes, I don’t know what will. (full disclosure: It makes me laugh too. The hosts nickname everyone and one guy was called “Moobs” because he wanted to win the game and get breast reduction surgery. HI-larious. Every single time they called him “Moobs.”)


The book, Meanwhile: Pick Any Path. 3,856 Story Possibilities, by Jason Shiga. Finn carries it around. It’s like a cooler version of “Choose Your Own Adventure.” And I’m down with anything that gets him excited about reading. Plus, it’s insanely well done.


Slurpees. Every day he says “Mom, don’t you think today would be a good day for a Slurpee? Tastes so good on a hot hot day, don’t you think? Mom?” Indeed.

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it was really just another day

I’m 37 now. Turned 37 on July 18. Nothing spectacular but that’s ok. Nah, scratch that. Put me down for the spectacular. I enjoy that much more. Everything that COULD go wrong on my birthday did.

Hadley was adjusting to being back home after a week with her grandparents in Asheville, NC and by “adjusting” I mean being a total jerkface to her brother. My birthday soundtrack was her screaming at him. Literally, screaming. At one point Hadley said “Mom, my throat hurts from screaming.”

I stood there looking at her.

“Then don’t scream, jackass.”

Except I didn’t say “jackass”, I said “sweetie.” But I meant jackass.

What WAS spectacular was my gift. For weeks Peter would ask and I’d demur, not really knowing if I wanted anything.

That’s a lie though, I knew what I wanted and it was another dog. A dog to compliment my dashing Atticus. A small, non shedding, snuggle bug, who doesn’t bark or yip and loves people.

I found him last week (on July 13th, my Dad’s birthday) looking online at Denver Dumb Friends league and I knew in my heart this dog and I were meant to be. I had to get there ASAP before someone else could get their grubby hands on him. I called Peter as I drove to the shelter. He could hear it in my voice.

“So, this is what you want for your birthday, huh?”

“Yes!” I said triumphantly.

Leave it to me, the control freak, to end up getting my present from Peter myself.

And truly he is the greatest gift. THE best. Who abandons a dog that looks like this? I love him. And, just as I’d hoped, he adores me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Oliver Twist.


I have been Cranky Crankerson lately. Bad. Ask Peter. He may call me Snarky McSnarkerson though. I have been snarky. I finally put my finger on it.

I would like school to start.


August 9th is when they start and that can’t some soon enough. All of this unstructured time just makes me nuts. Also their expectation that I am to be juggling, while doing a soft shoe, making snacks and taking them to wondrous, fun places is obscene. I am on strike. Screw it.

I love my children. I really really really do. I’m just a better mother when I am not with them all of the time.

While looking for patience and inspiration this morning I found this on Raven and Lamb:


Love it love it love it.

Time to unclench my jaw and go where the day takes me. Wherever it takes me I will for sure be listening to Lady Gaga’s Alejandro on repeat.


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Saw this poster, smiled widely and thought “Exactly!” (found via Design Crush. Poster by Dear Colleen)


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Dolphins Are Just Gay Sharks

My friend AXM sent me this comic and I literally have been laughing all day thinking about it. Sharks and big words. Two great tastes that go great together.

(I’m aware I’m a total nerd.)


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And at that moment, the world was sort of small and perfect




Hello world.

Life is speeding by, is it not?


I’m enjoying it and trying not to spill my Fun Dip.

Lupus wise, all is quiet but of course, there is other drama. There always is, you know. My stomach is on strike. Something is amiss. It sucks. The doc’s doing an endoscopy on the 16th and that can’t come soon enough. Blech. He gave me some meds (Dexilant)that worked up until a few days ago when it just. stopped. BLARG. Constant pain. No appetite but I have to eat to have energy. I’ve been off dairy for a week and a half. Nothing.  I’m trying to ignore it and push forward because I have shit to do, dammit. My darling Finny’s 6th birthday is tomorrow with his party on Saturday. Then, on Sunday, the rare bird, HJ, flies across the country (alone – her 2nd time – no big whoop) to stay with Grammy and Bompie in Asheville, NC. See? I don’t have time for ailments. (Funny side note: Hadley asked if a town car could come pick her up and take her to the airport. (What fear?) Sorry child, you’ll have to deal with your pedestrian parents taking your 8 year old ass to the airport.)

PLUS, you would think with stomach issues that perhaps I would lose a few pounds? Um, no. Instead, I have convinced myself that someone snuck into my house and washed all of my clothes on the hot cycle. Must.Not.Pop.Button up here in Bloat City.

Here are things that have been making me happy lately:

+The 4th of July. It was everything it is supposed to be: family, fireworks, fun, delicious picnic food, chaotic and strangely delicious even though it rained and was cold. The soundtrack the whole weekend was The Beach Boys, which helped greatly in creating a breezy, happy vibe.

+ So You Think You Can Dance – The passion and joy of these dancers is inspiring, really, as cheesy as it sounds. They’re young and eager and talented. It’s just refreshing. And who doesn’t love that Cat Deeley?

+ stolen moments alone – usually while driving, with music picked to suit my mood blaring from the speakers so loud I can feel it in my skin.

+being at the library

+swimming. Even though I could surely tell the kids that I wasn’t going to get in, because they can swim on their own, I always get in. And it never fails to feel fantastically refreshing.

+Russell Brand. The British accent coupled with rapier wit and fantastic vocabulary makes me extremely happy. I don’t find anything attractive about him physically, quite frankly. It’s all about the brain.

+being productive. I’ve had a surge of energy as of late and I’ve been using every last bit of it. It’s rare for me to feel fully productive and it feels amazing. (I’m talking about doing…gasp!…three things in one day, like mowing the lawn AND going to the grocery store AND cleaning a few rooms. Seriously, that’s unheard of in my world.)

+my tomato plant. I don’t grow things. I’m not good at it. But this little sucker is doing well and thriving! (Wait, strike that. I do geraniums but you can’t kill them.)

+Hadley’s new gecko, Sunny. Now, I was against this thing in the beginning, but she has warmed my heart. I know you shouldn’t anthropomorphize a stupid lizard but she is quickly becoming a much loved Provost. (sorry for the crap photo quality. It’s from my phone.)


Happy day to you, Chicklettes.

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Thursday Loves (Friday edition)




+my new suit from Athleta. LOVE IT!

+ Fabulous artwork (via Swissmiss)

+ Sweet, cheap glasses

+ taking care of myself, having energy and feeling good

+singing “Frere Jacques” to Luca with Meg as she changed his diaper, thinking about how much I love her and also how we kind of sounded good!

+ This site is super cool and not too spendy. I love the idea of having clothes customized. I have my eye on a couple of frocks.

+ The homeless guy who did a little jig when I gave him money a few weeks ago.

+ When H’s little friend said “I like your hair, Mrs. Provost.” It was a weird mixture of flattery and feeling really really old.

+ Bookshelf porn. Is it just me that thinks books are hot?

+ Looking forward to a trip to Sayulita in January with my besties.

+ Enjoying eating really really clean. My gastroenterologist is trying to figure out my latest ailment (probably an ulcer. sweet!) so he has taken me off of dairy for 2-3 weeks.  I feel really really good. And it’s not too terrible. Of course it’s only day 4. I’m breaking out though, which I could do without.

+ Peanut Butter Cups from Alicia Silverstone’s vegan cookbook The Kind Diet. I didn’t make them, my sis did, but MAN, are they goooooooood.

+ Reading reading reading and reading some more. (more on that another day)

Wishing you a sparkly holiday with people you adore.


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Bailed Out

Summer has swallowed me up.

With the kids home, it’s lots and lots of getting snacks and running to and fro keeping them busy. Any free time I have, I’m reading, watching a movie or sleeping.


But in a kind of a good way (most days). We’ve gotten into a good rhythm where we do something in the morning or early afternoon. Then the blue eyed devils know I have to lie down or nap so they get to watch a movie. I crash as soon as my face hits the pillow and usually wake up drooling about 4. Then it’s time for act 2. Around 4, they go stir crazy so we usually head to the pool or to do SOMETHING active before dinner.

I can honestly say I’ve been enjoying this summer, which is a pleasant surprise. Trying to look for a little joy in every day helps and I tend to find it.

Jumping to another topic, not so joyful. No segway. My apologies.

My children lost my dog.

Two days ago, one of the kids didn’t close the door all the way when we went to the library. Atticus got out and ambled away. He doesn’t RUN away, you see, he just sort of wanders following his nose.

In the chaos of the day, I didn’t figure it out until it was time for him to eat at 5pm. Realizing he was gone, I grabbed Peter and we did the thing we usually do: scour the neighborhood, whistling and calling him. Usually, we’ll see him sniffing around someone’s yard, only to hear my voice and look up at me like  “Hey! I was just thinking about you!”

But this time, we didn’t find him.

I was crying. The kids knew I was upset. And they knew it was their fault and I meant business. They were super quiet. Hadley kept apologizing. I had stopped crying and was just silent, staring out the window, brokenhearted.

Those who know me, know how much I love this dog. Like I gave birth to him. He is never more then a few feet away from me and just looking at him makes my heart soar.

I made 25 signs and we drove around hanging them up. Taping them to the poles became increasingly more difficult as my energy was depleted and devastation consumed me.


This was the picture on the sign. (He’s randomly wearing Mardi Gras beads in this picture) I had to keep looking at his face every time I posted a sign. We got home and Peter went out and posted 10 more.

At about 8pm, a woman called and said that she saw her neighbor with a chocolate lab on her front porch and animal control was there taking him. The woman who called lives about 3 blocks from us. Why didn’t she just call us, you ask? Oh, because HE DIDN’T HAVE HIS COLLAR ON. The jingling of the tags makes me crazy so I take it off. Bad mama.

Atticus had to spend the night in the slammer. I have his mug shot to prove it.

I didn’t sleep well and was up with the sun waiting for this place to open. When we got there and posted his $55 bail, they brought out my baby.

He was so excited to see me that he busted past Peter and Hadley and jumped into my arms. Total mama’s boy. I could tell he was super stressed out and he smelled like pee and dirty dog.  I just kept saying “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!!”

We took him straight to the Wag N’ Wash and got him the deluxe spa treatment PLUS a new collar with a special thing that keeps the tags quiet.

I’m not kidding when I say he has been sleeping for two days. And really hasn’t left my side.

Talk about traumatic. I know most people don’t get it and think “it’s a dog. so what?”

Well, suck it. He’s my first born and has comforted me through so much. Dare I say I love him as much as my children? Perhaps. He is everything that is good in the world wrapped in a chocolate brown coat and big brown eyes.


Happy Canada Day to all of the Canadians!

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