Transfixed
Loving this girl’s voice.
Be Here Now
Feeling warm, cozy and happy.
Husband and I had a date night last night and that does wonders to rejuvenate the soul, doesn’t it? We saw The Blind Side (sweet and uplifting) and went to dinner. I feel like an arsehole for saying this but as I took my first sip of a martini in the cool, dark restaurant, I heard a small child sqawking and fussing behind me.
I grimaced.
Ew.
While out and about I like to go places without children. In fact, I kind of like to pretend they don’t exist at all.
I’m just saying.
+++
I question my peaceful, content feeling because of my mom’s situation. Shouldn’t I be fraught with fear and anxiety for her?
I was overcome with it for a while but you can’t go on like that for long. It’s draining and negativity isn’t productive. Instead I am readying myself to be super nursemaid and loving supporter.
We have dealt with this demon before and we will defeat it again. Mom’s surgery is on December 1. My Aunt P is coming into town December 3rd and we are eternally grateful. She will be really helpful in that rough first week.
Peter and I hosted Thanksgiving here for the first time and it went well! Once I let go of the fact that I am NO Martha Stewart (or mom or Monica), the evening was really lovely. Plus, Peter cooked everything so that really only left me with the sweet potatoes to do. And everybody brought a dish so that helped immensely. Mom came (with various necessary Thanksgiving-y decorations) + my bro Andrew and his fam. The previously mentioned Monica is his wife, hostess and cook extraordinaire. She’s like a domestic MacGyver. Give her a hanger, some pasta and plant and she’ll make a lovely dinner for 6. It really should be documented. Fascinating.
The picture above is by Sandra Juto. Nice, eh? I have an ongoing love affair with the Swedes. Design, lifestyle, etc. Taking a coffee break is called a “fika”, or a “fikarast” and is usually accompanied by something sweet. Love it.
I also love the wrist worms she’s wearing. She makes them. Her shop has great stuff. I have been coveting the wrist worms for about a year but can’t justify buying them because it’s my fingers and hands that are perpetually cold (because of the Raynaud’s) not my damn wrists. But aren’t they cool?
I’ll leave you with my darling Finny who I have been wildly in love with this week. Yesterday morning while the rest of the house slept, he ate 1 waffle and 5 pieces of toast, naked, while sitting in a huge cardboard box. Occasionally he’d stick the plate out and holler “More toast please!” or call me over to the box to kiss him. ::::sigh::: Remember these times I tell myself.
Bijou, who is staying with us over Thanksgiving break, was perplexed by the naked boy in the box.
Happy Saturday to you. I hope it is cozy where you are.
Anatomy of a Good Day
Hadley said “Mom, I think a secret admirer left you something on your bed.”
I looked.
It said “to my beloved Emily from ?”
I smiled.
She said “Do you think it could be from Daddy?” covering her mouth and giggling. As if “Daddy” were some stranger who blew into town and was trying to woo me.
I love that she would use the phrase “to my dear beloved”. Nothing thrills me like fantastic-ness coming out of the mouths of my babes.
I took my friend B’s son Dylan to the Aquarium today with the blue eyed devils. It was a glorious Colorado day and I was up for the task. He’s a cool kid and I knew he would be no trouble. (cute side note: he lives across the street and is in 2nd grade with Hadley. She frequently tells me that he’s “handsome” and that she thinks she’s in love with him.)
They had a blast running to and fro, squealing about each and every thing they saw.
I had fun too.
My favorite shots:
Sigh….so so pretty.
How creepy and fantastic is the little sting ray’s face? He was pressed up against the glass.
We fed and pet the sting rays in another tank, which was really cool. Hadley would have gotten in the tank if I let her. She kept saying “I love them, Mama. I mean I really really love them.”
There were these coconut trees you could climb too. H & D were like little monkeys.
A 4-D Sponge Bob “experience” was at the aquarium so of course we did that too. It was one of those sit in the chair and get jiggled all around while you wear 3-D glasses type of things. The three of them LOVED it. I kept thinking I was going to get thrown out of the chair.
This picture cracks me up. Look at Finn. No one gave him the memo.
After going through the Aquarium twice, filling up on garbage pizza, cheetos and fruit punch, I decided we needed cupcakes. Well, I decided.
Happy Cakes is the cutest. If you’re in Denver and haven’t been. GO. HURRY. SO delish.
Walking from the car to Happy Cakes, we saw this next to the sidewalk.
The kids dove down and started taking the change from Buddha’s lap. I told them they couldn’t take the money. It was an offering to Buddha. How random and lovely, right?
Plus, I was wearing this cozy, kooky cardigan, which made me happy.
As did the darling parking attendant who, when I said I didn’t have any cash for parking, just waved me in and said “Pay me later!”
Who does that?
Later, I could have easily just driven out but I made a point to get cash inside to give to him on the way out. It’s all about karma people.
All in all, just a really good day. Late afternoon, the blue eyed devils got haircuts so no need to call social services after seeing the previous pictures. They look like they have a mother now.
We’re all set (sort of) for Thanksgiving tomorrow with my family here. Peter is doing most of the cooking. I’m the sous chef. But not a very good one as I get bored a lot and like to go do other things.
Wishing you and yours a cozy, relaxed day tomorrow filled with delish food and good people.
Visual Goody
First saw this on Sweet and Bitter and absolutely fell in love with Miles Fisher. He’s one talented kid. This video is especially creative. A Talking Heads cover with a video homage to American Psycho. Brilliant.
Say It Isn’t So
My mom has breast cancer.
Yup. You read that right.
This is a different cancer from the breast cancer she had in 1998, not a recurrence. But still a total son of a bitch. In 1998, she had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation.
This time she will have a double mastectomy shortly after Thanksgiving, without reconstruction. Chemo is a definite possibility because the tumor is HER 2+, which basically means it’s an angry little fucker and has a higher rate of recurrence.
My anger has been subsiding and slowly morphing into thinking about what needs to be done. The anger was all consuming in the beginning though. I sobbed I was so angry. Snotty, on my knees in my bathroom, sobbing. I swore like it was my job. Well, I do that anyway…so I swore like it was my second job. I wasn’t angry when I got my own diagnosis. But you mess with my Mom and I’m furious.
I think I’m more numb now. Mom first, then Dad, then me and now Mom again.
Just typing that made me angry again.
I would do this all again so she wouldn’t have to endure any of it. In a heartbeat.
To be completely trite, it just seems unfair.
My sister and I have had countless talks over these last few weeks though and those talks have made me think about things differently. Life is really hard but if you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of wonderful magic sprinkled throughout. We have had LOTS of wonderful magic sprinkled throughout and this is just one more obstacle to overcome. Shitty things happen but it’s how you respond that matters.
We went to lunch after meeting with Dr. K, our handy family breast cancer surgeon.
My mom reminded me of the song “I Whistle a Happy Tune” from the King and I, which we saw with Yul Brenner when we were kids. She sang a little bit as we sat in our cozy booth. (see what I mean about wonderful, magical bits?)
I whistle a happy tune
And ev'ry single time
The happiness in the tune
Convinces me that I'm not afraid.
Make believe you're brave
And the trick will take you far.
You may be as brave
As you make believe you are
You’re the best, Mom, and I’m behind you every step of the way, whistling.
* The pic is of Mom with Luca. He’s 6 months now and CRAWLING.
Here
I'm here.
Just quiet.
Just quiet.
Bjork's "It's Oh So Quiet" just popped into my head. Such a good song.
Feeling fine. Just tired. Peter is out of town for a week so I've been single mom to the blue eyed devils. No easy feat. I'm wiped out.
Scuse me while I veg with my Mad Men DVDs. Must turn off brain.
I know, I know it's Thursday but I'm feeling surly and Thursday Loves will have to wait. I even got pissy when I saw Robert Pattinson on the cover of Vanity Fair when I got the mail today. ENOUGH with that kid. To be honest, he looks dirty and developmentally delayed all the time. With cool hair and cool clothes. I just don't get it.
Now I'm getting all pissy again.
Redirect.
Have you seen Lady Gaga's Bad Romance video? I was entranced. She fascinates me. We're big Gaga fans around here.
Hope you have a wonderful Friday. We're celebrating with friends, pizza and sweet treats because Finn gets to take his sling off.
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