Gone away is the new bird

Trying to be festive and doing a pretty good job of it. Bay leaf wreath smells delightful. Tree up. Lights outside still need to be hung. (Not my department) Daily Christmas tunes. Fun plans for the blue eyed devils over Christmas break.

Reminding myself to breathe and not get stressed out. No reason to, really. After a busy Thanksgiving, I’m looking forward to an obligation free Christmas. 

I wish my body would play along and be more Holly Golightly rather than Holly Goleaden and fatigued.

I’ve been dragging myself through the days. Not many spoons to spare. Peter and the kids had a cold/flu last week and they have given it to me. I don’t get any of the same symptoms (sore throat, coughing, sniffles) or even a fever. I just get completely wiped out. Brain fog, achy, painful skin, etc. (I didn’t get the mail for three days because the thought of walking 4 houses down to our bank of mailboxes was too much.)

Add onto that nonsense is ongoing severe hip pain, which has me acting as a ping pong ball between a back doctor and my rheumatologist. Thinking it was my piriformis muscle, the back doc ordered an injection of steroids directly into that muscle, otherwise known as my ass. (interesting stuff. I asked for a DVD of the process, like a nerd.) Alas, this did nothing to alleviate pain but made me anxious and nauseous. Good old steroids.

I’m due to return to the back doctor to look at more options next week. And then the rheumatologist to see how lupus is involved. You get the picture.

Exhausting.

No appetite but food is necessary, of course. Trying to juice everyday and eat healthy because that helps. All of this food prep takes energy though. Blah.

Lots of mini pity parties, where, when no one is around, I’ll slink to the floor in the kitchen and lay my head on the cool floor thinking I can’t possibly get up.

While lying there, I silently wish that I had more energy, more spoons, to get stuff done.

Pity parties aren’t long in these parts though. I won’t allow it. Wallowing isn’t productive. I’ll listen to myself think these thoughts, sometimes cry, tell myself I’m ok, acknowledge and move on.

Life is really really good after all and I have so much to be thankful for. SO much.

Plus, the countdown is on for our family trip to Sayulita Mexico with my three besties and their fams in January. That thought brightens many of my days.

More peppy post tomorrow. I promise.  XO

3 comments:

Emily | December 8, 2010 at 10:40 AM

As full evidence that I'm experiencing major brain fog, um, I believe the lyric is "Gone away is the bluebird."
Now, I'm laughing.
That's better.

Associate Girl | December 9, 2010 at 6:57 AM

your last 2 posts have inspired me. "Acknowledge. Move on." My new motto.

Emily | December 9, 2010 at 10:54 AM

AG - Tis a good motto. XO