Thursday Loves

Thursday Loves

 

Finn broke his collarbone today while sledding. My poor baby. He’s handling it like a champ. Ask me in a week though. I was snugged up in bed reading while Peter and a bunch of our neighbors took all of the kids sledding. (I don’t really “do” cold.) Finn crashed into Hadley and this happened. He came home with the tiniest little sling and has to wear it for 2 weeks. It’s his right arm, of course, and he’s not supposed to do anything active for a bit.

Um, have you met Finn? Look up the word “active” and there’s Finn. He’s a man on a mission. And lately with a marker mask. It’s a look.

We’ll see how this goes. His first concern was how was he going to play Atari. Peter, the pack rat, saved his Atari and is only missing one part to get the thing running. Finn is elated and cannot wait to play Pac Man and Frogger and Pitfall.

Hadley has been the most darling little nursemaid. I think she feels responsible because Finn ran into her on the sled.

I’m sucking at the Thursday Loves posts I had intended to be chock full of delicious goodies from the week. What can I say? It’s a work in progress.

Here are some though:

• Practicing yoga again!! I have been scared and lazy. This morning I threw the kids outside, put on a fire and practiced for 30 minutes. Not much but I have been scared since surgery. I just needed to jump in and my body was grateful. Now to find the elusive perfect studio and get to classes regularly…
• My husband. Every day I think “Wow. Aren’t you great?” I love that feeling. Must go on a solo date with him soon to soak him up.
• The fact that my kids were actually really well behaved these two days stranded in the house during the snowstorm. They played and imagined together and had a blast. AND! And this is a big one for me…I did not rely on the TV. Plus, I baked and cleaned and puttered.
• The show Modern Family on ABC. It makes me laugh.
• The book I’m reading - “Unaccustomed Earth” by Jhumpa Lahiri. So gorgeous…
• Fantastic neighbors and that feeling of community
• My tumblr. I’ve been neglecting it but I love it and need to tend it more lovingly.

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Radio Silent

Radio Silent

I’m not dead. Just getting over the swine flu, which sucked hard core because along with the the flu, lupus awoke and thought “Oooo! A party!”

I’m over the flu but lupus remains like that one girl at the party who wouldn’t leave until the very end. And even then she may find herself passed out on the couch the next morning, embarrassed because she drooled all over. Nothing that I’m not used to (achy hips, shoulders, knees…) but annoying. I was whining to Peter about feeling cruddy but had to tell myself to suck it up. I was given a reprieve while I was dealing with friggin cancer. I should just be grateful.

Also, I’ve been trying to ignore the headache that I’ve had for 2 weeks. Finally, today I couldn’t take it anymore and dragged ass back to the doctor. She put me on a burst of steroids (6 days worth) hoping to ease the inflammation of what she thinks is a sinus infection. Awesome.

I’m lying down now with earplugs in. Loud (although happy) children + debilitating headache = no bueno.

Forgive me and all of my hideous complaining. I’m so sick of myself I could puke.

The boobs are good. Weird and awkward but no pain and the scars are healing really well. The kids like to say “Jan 6th is when they’ll put in the soft boobs, right?”

Of course, lately ALL of the talk is about Halloween. How many days? How many hours? How many minutes? We carved pumpkins yesterday afternoon and watched “It’s a Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” while the snow came down. It made me excited to soon bust out A Charlie Brown Christmas by the Vince Guaraldi Trio, my all time fave Christmas album.

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite pieces of art in Denver.

Isn’t it fantastic? It sits right next to the Denver Public Library. I love to imagine that there is a enormous toddler wandering around Denver, who left a toy horse on his chair. I love the randomness of it and the scale.

And how great is the word “fecundity?” Peter used it the other day and I swear I swooned. Then I got out my moleskine to scribble the word down. So many great words…so little time.

I hope your week is shaping up to be a good one.

Shout out to a fellow professional patient. Keep on keeping on, lady. You’re damn funny.

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Truth Telling

Truth Telling

For those of you who were worried I would permanently be shooting rainbows and happiness out of my ass, you can now rest easy.

It ain’t happening.

For a few months now, I have been in fight mode, which for me, involves humor and massive, obnoxious doses of positivity. And the theme from “Rocky” permanently running through my brain. And lots of adrenaline.

Well, I won the battle. The first part anyway. And now the soundtrack in my head has stopped and the adrenaline  is seeping out of my body to form a puddle on the floor leaving me tired. What now?

I hear the other voice in my head say “What do you mean? What now? You move on with your life.”

Oh.

I was having this conversation with myself in the shower this morning and I felt, really for the first time, sorry for myself. I don’t want these boobs. I wanted my old boobs that I could actually feel were a part of me.

Things tend to hit me later. I’ve always said that. Especially big things. When trouble arises, I put my head down and get down to business. Then, later I figure it all out emotionally.

Newsflash: I’m not made of Teflon. Or invincible. In fact, acting like a fool probably, we went roller skating on Sunday because the kids were DYING to go. I wanted to go. I felt good! I wanted to be there. With them. For them. I wanted to be present. They were so excited we were ALL skating. I wanted to couples skate and hold Peter’s hand.

And I did.

And it was really fun. So memorable.

I fell though. Hard. And now every time I breath, laugh or blow my nose my spine hurts. After roller skating I joked to Peter “I think I rearranged my innards when I fell!”

My mom said ‘What were you thinking!?!?’

That’s just it. I wasn’t thinking. I was “doing.” Something I hadn’t been able to do in a month.  I’ll be fine. And I didn’t pop anything. I fell on my ass, not my boobs. (who does that? besides that girl Shavon with the horrible extensions on the mtv challenge show that I am too old to be watching.)

To add insult to injury I am due to start my period any day now. (look away gentleman readers…it gets very Judy Blume, very quickly)

Last month, it started --- I kid you not---3 minutes before I went into surgery. I was mortified and irritated. They gave me HUGE mesh boy shorts with a pad the size of a limo. Horrifying.

With lupus, for some reason days, sometimes even a week before my period begins, I flare. Horribly. Exhausted, achy skin, fluish. All of it. In addition to the normal things women experience like bitchiness, bitchiness and oh yeah, bitchiness.

SO…here I am today with my roller skating injury, wanting to rip my uterus out and weird rock like mounds on my chest.

Awesome.

I’m pissy.

I just wanted to say that. I don’t want to present a false image of myself as this girl who can handle it all. I can’t. Especially today. And so, I will be good to myself and treat myself tenderly and with care.

That is all.

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Thursday Loves

Thursday Loves

First of all, no saline fill today which is FANTASTIC. HOLLA! My rack is ready to go. My skin just has to stretch for 3 more months and then on January 6th, they’ll take out these horrific expanders and replace them with saline implants. This episode in my life is almost over! I high fived my doctor. We’re cool like that.

After my appointment ended so early, I had some time to kill before picking up Finn at 12:45. I called ELK and she happened to be home playing hooky today! I decided to stop at Duffey’s and get some warm pastry goodies on this chilly and snowy/rainy day. Delish. I got out of the car and proceeded to fall ass over teakettle on the sidewalk in front of Duffey’s.

Nice.

A darling man, who worked there and I find out is named David, came out to help me up and dust the leaves off me. (OH! You poor thing! Is that cashmere??! He said worriedly about my sweater. I heart the gays.) A woman inside said ‘We saw your legs go up in the air! Are you ok?!?!?” (I wish I had a picture.)

Instead of being horrified and embarrassed, I was delighted by his act of gallantry. He also gave me a free coffee. Sweet. Apparently, today was a day meant for pain because I skinned my hands and knees falling. A fact I found funny. I was actually sort of excited to have skinned knees. When is the last time you had skinned knees?

It made me nostalgic. We used to get really excited in high school during lacrosse season if we had “war wounds”. A skinned knee in your lacrosse uniform was good for street cred.

Relaxing and catching up (after the required flashing) with ELK was so nice. I love to hog her to myself and it was a necessary download. Just being around her is energizing and her darling house full of warmth, creativity and style was the perfect pit stop. She is one of the much beloved “Old Sames” whom I have known for 21 years now. I love you girls so much.

Other fantastic-ness from the week in no particular order:

• My uncontainable happiness. It’s weird. And by weird, I mean good weird. I’m euphoric.  What is that? Perhaps it could be connected to this strange reprieve from lupus. My docs think that lupus is currently distracted by the huge bags of silicone currently renting space in my chest. So lupus doesn’t have time or energy to attack anything else. Although, I don’t think that’s all of it. Something has changed in me. I swear I’m lighter. Happier. Funnier. (maybe) I feel invincible.
• Mika (pictured above) and his music make me feel like human frosting. Sweet, light and whipped. Perfection. I adore him. Our whole family does. I swear when that guy comes to Denver, we’re going to his show. The lot of us. I love everything about him as an artist and person. I dare you to stay in a bad mood after listening to his music.
• A Jo Malone package arrived today. I received a gift certificate from ELK for my birthday and finally got around to using it. Oh my. There is nothing like fragrance. Especially when it. is. divine. I got the Cologne Collection set too so it’s really like I received MANY perfumes to mix or not depending on my mood.
• Drive Thru liquor stores (specifically the one near our old house in Platt Park. genius.)
• playing Skee ball and other video games with Finn on Tuesday afternoon, including Dance Dance Revolution, which I’m usually way too self conscious to play in public. Nope. No more of that business. I’ve had cancer + my boobs cut off and new ones put on. Dance Dance Revolution? BRING IT.
• hearing Finn say “I’m crazy about that girl” When asked who he was talking about, he said ‘Hadley’.
• Seeing my mom’s face at my front door upon her trip home from her 50th high school reunion (!!) The way my body instantly relaxes just seeing her face is indescribable. Let’s hear it for magical Moms!
• clean glass on the back door (with a dog and kids, it’s rarely clean)
• valet parking at the doctor’s office
• silence
• inspirational stories that remind me my life is really really great
• hearing a Boston accent (reminds me of Dad, a Bostonian through and through)
• Pepperidge Farm Mint Milano cookies, which Finn calls “Mint Filets”
• The Furminator – This thing rules. Dog hair, BE GONE!

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Peep and other furry things

Peep and other furry things

Hadley’s 2nd grade class has been closely observing chicken eggs for a bit now waiting for them to hatch. Each class has their own batch.

One finally hatched! You would think she birthed this little guy herself she’s so excited and proud.

And of course, now she wants a chicken.

Cute as hell, right? See? I want one now too. The class named him Stripe but Hadley renamed him “Bandit” in her head, which I like better too. Is that not the sweetest face?

Speaking of the sweetest faces, my dog faced boy has a cone on his head. The poor dear. Every time I look at him, I laugh uncontrollably and then say “Aw, I’m sorry sweetie.”  He has massive allergy issues. Which is just fancy talk for “you’re going to have to pay a lot of money at the vet every few months”. Oh, how I love my dog.

While getting dog food yesterday, I saw the most beautiful big cat with only one eye up for adoption. He was so handsome and HUGE. I had a moment with him and wanted him so bad. But then I remembered I don’t like really like cats. (Except Stan. Those of you who remember him, know he ruled. RIP Stan.)

Doing ok boob-wise. Not pain per se, more uncomfortable. At this point, I feel horrifically engorged. All of you mamas know the feeling. I keep thinking I need to pump or nurse a non-existent baby. Nope. Not the case.

Of course, just when I start to feel better…Thursday rolls around and its time for another fill. This week should be the last though. Or the second to the last. Whew.

My proclivity to flash people has been less, but that could be that I was just sick. We’ll see what the rest of the week brings…

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Swoon worthy

Swoon worthy

I love these Dolce and Gabana swimsuits from the most recent show in Milan. I love them so much I want to wear one around town or at least the house. Aren’t they beautiful? Specifically the one on the far right. And I want to make a big sandwich for the girl next to her in the black suit. She looks hungry and angry and scrawny.

This picture and more at fabsugar.com. The entire collection is lovely. 

Taking a page from Gala Darling, I am starting Things I Love Thursday. I am blatantly copying her. I love the idea, and her, by the way. She is endlessly interesting and positive.

A-hem. My list for today:

• Obviously, the D&G swimsuits!
• Kashi Go Lean high protein and high fiber cereal in yogurt or with milk
• Getting out of the shower and then standing in front of the fireplace in my bedroom to warm up
• My handsome husband expressing interest in things I know he doesn’t care about but doing so because he loves me. (like the above D&G swimwuits…)
• reprieves from pain
• Hearing a doctor say “You’re Cured!”
• Hadley’s hands being painty and or markery pretty much all of the time because of her artistic endeavors
• college boys yelling MILF!!! at my sister as she loaded her kids in the car
• The amount of love and support shown to me during this crazy time. The effect it has had on me is indescribable. I have phenomenal people in my life and am so grateful every day.
• seeing a pair of shoes dangling from a telephone line. Something about it is so nostalgic for me. It reminds me of a more innocent time when doing something like that was seen as rebellious. I like to take a picture every time I see some. I wonder whose shoes they are, how they picked which shoes they were going to throw up there and how they did it. It’s a nice little reverie and makes me smile.
• Seeing Finn’s face light up when I pick him up from school

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