Ding Dong the drains are out, the drains are out, the drains are out

Those disgusting drains are gone! I am a different person. Still a bit wobbly, still plenty sore but I am not tethered to these disgusting fluid pouches. Oh the freedom!! And! And I get to take a shower tomorrow!!! I have gone the sponge bath route and my sweet husband has lovingly washed my hair but it’s not the same. That shower is going to be the best shower I’ve ever taken.

So, they took the drains out and then added 100cc of saline to my expanders.  I can't feel the needle going in at all because my breasts are numb. It's just like a slow fullness in your breasts like filling up a water balloon. Weird.  It's uncomfortable afterwards though...they compare it to the way after you get your braces tightened. Mkay. I’ve had my braces tightened. I would like to say that would be half ass accurate.

They’ll fill them every week until I say “when”. Then we wait 3 months until they put in the saline implants. I think I’m pretty close to saying “when”. Perhaps a few more weeks. They like to over fill in order to ensure enough space.

I meet with my cancer surgeon tomorrow. Turns out they found more cancer in my left breast when they were operating. A 3mm tumor. WTF? I’ll get more information tomorrow but it just goes to show you a) science isn’t perfect and b) I made the right decision with the bi-lateral mastectomy. I do have to meet with my oncologist next week though to see what my long term plans are. There are two drugs they like women to take to stave off a return of breast cancer (tamoxifen and another one I can’t remember) but I can't take either one because I have blood clotting issues. We’ll see.

I’m looking forward to things getting back to normal. They felt that way a bit tonight as Peter and I chatted in the kitchen and the kids played. (For weeks, I have been upstairs in bed separated from the normal rhythms.)  Peter and I watched 2 or 3 plays that H&F put on. I love how there is no planning or rehearsing. They’re just wiggling around, yelling things and doing a bunch of random crap as we watch. But we clap at the end of course.

I went into Hadley’s room and we were winding down and about to read books, I told her I had a new band for her. Music is her passion, which delights us to no end. I put in Innocence Mission Glow,  and a smile crept across her face. She bobbed her head and pretended to know the words as we straightened all of the books on her bookshelf and I just felt lucky. Achy and cranky but inexplicably happy and lucky.

“You’re going to be ok now, Mom, aren’t you” she said with a smile.

“Yes I am” I said as I hugged her and smelled her hair.

My sweet rare bird.

A person I adore has sent me a card every single day.

Process that.

Every day.

The latest said “Keep Hustling to Keep Happy”. I love that. I hung it up. Gotta keep hustling.


Anonymous | September 25, 2009 at 11:24 AM

I could just cry. You're inspiring. Keep up the good work. You get a gold star. Smiling at you. Alison Felicioli

Mel | September 26, 2009 at 10:59 AM

Congrats on this milestone in your recovery, Emily. I bet it feels so good to have those tubes gone. Daily you inspire me.