Joy and Pain

(There’s mostly ‘pain’ and only some ‘joy’ but I had that song in my head….remember that song? Joy and Pain. Sunshine and Rain…..)

I’m home.

Good news is there is no more cancer. No cancer in the lymph nodes. Yahoo!

After they injected the dye into my lymph nodes in the morning and I was to leave for the hospital, one of the nurses gave me this HUUUUUUGE pink, quilted teddy bear with pink ribbons tied around its neck and then an angel made out of a doily pinned to its stomach. It also had a big pink cancer ribbon pinned to it.

I think she expected me to cry and hug it or hug her.

I just said “oh!” as nicely as I could before I set it down. I know the nurse meant well but It made me feel like a child. I am not a child. Better yet, I am an adult with good taste.

I’m not kidding. The thing was the size of a 4 year old child. I tried to hide my disdain but when I went back to the waiting room to get Peter to leave, I gingerly set the bear down on a chair in the waiting room and left him there.

I’m pissy today. I’m done being the patient. Being helpless sucks.

Pain abounds and I’m not allowed to do anything. This,of course, makes me furious. I hate having to lean on people and depend on them. Hate it.

All of the lovely gifts make me feel so loved though, so thank you. Thank you for thinking of me. And thanks for being so creative!

All of the drugs make me sleepy so I must rest now. I just wanted to check in and tell you I was alive. It’s not nearly as gruesome as I thought it would be.

My husband continues to amaze me all the time. The fact that you cannot gross the guy out is very impressive.

The blue eyed devils are doing swell. I call them in to my room for kisses and hugs and they are very interested in all of my various tubes and bandages.

More soon.



Taylor | September 16, 2009 at 12:10 PM

I will be forever in awe of you! I miss you and love you:)

Mel | September 17, 2009 at 7:24 AM

I have been thinking of you endlessly. I am glad you are recovering well and the cancer is gone! You are so very strong and YOU continue to amaze all of us.