I have been…

I have been…

 

• coveting this book. Beautiful!

• reading too many books at once – Peter finds me asleep with all of the books around me.
• eating many many MANY Cadbury mini eggs
• planning my final surgery in April (the “cherries on top” if you will. more on this another time)
• curling HJ’s hair, much to her delight. Also putting a teeny pony tail at the top of Finn’s head, per his request, much to HIS delight.
• coughing and constantly trying to soothe my sore throat (after the stomach flu business, Peter gave me some virus he picked up on his trip…oh, the thrill of being immunosupressed)
• dying to go on a vacation somewhere tropical so I can I wear summery clothes and the kids play in the sand all day.
• experimenting with wheat germ & baking things only I will eat, which is fine because they are so good.
• juicing first thing in the morning
• keeping warm and avoiding the cold. Emily +cold = no bueno. I shoveled the driveway for Peter on Valentine’s day and afterwards I couldn’t feel my left hand for an hour.
• holing up at the library- my new solo hangout. Shhhh. Don’t tell anyone.
• missing my Dad immensely. It’s hard to even articulate the hole he left in our family. He died three years ago tomorrow. He went into the hospital on Feb 14 with horrible symptoms from his first round of chemo for breast cancer. He crashed and never came back. As a family we decided to take him off the ventilator on Feb. 17.  My mom put her valentine to my Dad in the casket with him. A gesture I find so loving and beautiful every time I think about it.  Through my mom, I have seen grief differently. There is no end to it. You carry it with you always.  Grief is the lupus of emotions. It is different every day for every person and unrelenting. Making peace with it is a process.