Note to self: Sun = Misery

sunshine1 So tomorrow is my birthday. I’ll be 36.

I am SUCH a birthday person and usually I am giddy with anticipation. Not this year though. I keep wondering why.
I’ve been distracted a lot and then yesterday I had to go and do something really really dumb.

It all plays out in my mind in slow motion. I knew better. I know better. It just happened. I’m so one of those people who has to learn something 100 times before it sticks.

I volunteered to work at the carnival at Finn’s darling school. I show up and see my assigned booth and there it is, in the sun. Not even just a little bit. COMPLETELY IN THE SUN. It was about 90 degrees.

The voice in my head said “you can’t do this.”

Another voice (don’t worry, they’re all mine) said “You’ll be fine.”

I didn’t want to make a fuss. There was so much going on already. Everyone bustling around doing their jobs. Kids squealing with delight. The popcorn popping. It was so sweet.

I just wanted to be normal.

I had sunscreen on and I thought “It’s only for a little while. I’ll be fine.”

I stood there at this booth, handing bean bags to little people so they could knock a cat down for 2 hours. In 90 degree Colorado heat. Straight sun. I was fine doing it, energized by the parents and sweet children. But I knew I would pay. Somewhere I hoped I wouldn’t have to though. That perhaps THIS time, I’d be fine.

Wrong.

I dragged all afternoon. I developed some weird puffy hives on my face that itched. I felt like I was walking through quicksand with concrete legs and I didn’t really have energy to form complete sentences.

My husband sat me down and made the most delicious salad for me. I ate it and moaned occasionally about how good it was and the goodness of Peter. I could fill a book with all of the goodness of Peter.

I couldn’t go to my book club last night, which really pissed me off because it was my fault. AND it was Sedaris’ brilliant book that I had all marked up and was ready to chat about with these smart girls.

I went to bed at 9.

This morning Peter left to take the kids to camps at 8am. I went back to bed and woke up at 12:30.

At 4:15, I am lying in bed again after having to pick up kids.

My bed is my sanctuary. I love the big white vastness of it and the comfort of luxe sheets.

My house is a total and complete mess. I don’t have any energy to fix it.

Argh.

I will go to bed early tonight and hope that tomorrow I will be better. We are going to the always delightful Potager for dinner and I would like a lovely evening filled with friends and good food. There is one magical table in the back garden that is hard to get. Peter and I are going at 5 to try to snag it. Wish us luck.

++++++++++

Things that are delighting me lately:

  • BOTH children on skates now constantly skating around the house. While it is a tad annoying, I love the active part of it. They make obstacle courses and have races. Ah..the merits of all hardwoods downstairs. Plus, they are getting really good!
  • This blog that Taylor’s dear Aunt Sheri introduced me too. It’s absolutely riveting and I love the idea. For 52 weeks, this girl will follow a different person’s directions for the entire week. I’m not explaining it well. Read about it here. Plus, you can’t help but fall in love with this girl. And her name is Emily, which you know comes from the Latin word meaning “kick ass”. It has inspired me in so many different ways. Can’t help but love that.
  • I love discovering new music. There’s nothing like the first stages of band love where you just can’t get enough. 
  • Spraying Moondance Botanicals lavender spritzer everywhere. Refreshing and relaxing.

5 comments:

Sheri Nugent | July 17, 2009 at 11:24 PM

I'm so happy that you love Emily Z's blog as much as I do! Can you imagine - a full YEAR of this fun!!

Happy Birthday tomorrow, Emily P. I hope you feel well enough to enjoy it.

S.

Sheri Nugent | July 17, 2009 at 11:29 PM

Oh God, Emily!! On Emily Z's video blog today - she talked about YOUR blog... your comment about how she's impossible not to fall in love with! Check it out.

Cool!

Sheri Nugent | July 18, 2009 at 12:07 AM

Wait til you read the comments on Emily's blog. I missed that she used YOU for her third sentence. This is hilariously fun!

Emily | July 18, 2009 at 11:35 PM

A delightful treat to see Emily Z mention my comment! How fun. Birthday treat!
The idea is incredible. I wish her much luck.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer, Crazy Woman | July 19, 2009 at 12:13 PM

Emily,

I hope that you are feeling better after some rest, and maybe also some birthday cake. I am a strong believer in the healing powers of a good cake.

Your post resonated with me. I too, understand, the voices that say, You can't do this ... and the competing voices that say you'll be fine ... I hate that pushing myself to do something as simple as help out a carnival can feel like running a marathon, with serious recovery time afterward. I also know the this time it will be different voice and the slow-learning curve on that. Perhaps it is a blonde thing?

In any event, coping with chronic illness is a challenge one cannot appreciate unless they have been there. For what it is worth, I think you do so with humor and grace.

Many happy birthday wishes that this year is your best yet!