She’s Cool Like that

Hadley is leaving tomorrow morning to go to Asheville, NC to spend a week with the grandparents and cousins . They call it “Camp Grammy and Bompie”.  I always express my surprise that they would WANT to take on 4 children by themselves. My m-in-law assures me that they are BETTER when they are not with the parents. I hope that’s true.

Peter, Finn and I will fly into town August 2 to spend some time there and fly home with Hadley on the 5th.

She is flying alone to Charlotte, NC where they will pick her and another cousin up and then drive to Asheville.  On TOP of the ticket price, you must pay an additional $100 each way for an unaccompanied minor. (!!!)

They better pet her and hand feed her the entire time.

She went to Seattle alone in July 2008 to stay with Taylor, but Lori flew to Denver to accompany Hadley back to Denver. And then Peter was in Seattle so he flew home with her. Look at her. Cool as a cucumber.

H&F2008 005

Anxiety is high in these parts with me tonight. I have visions of eating Ativan like Smarties.

I’m surprised at my anxiety levels actually, because I’m a pretty easy going parent. I don’t hover. I encourage independence and thinking for herself. I don’t tend to worry about things most parents lose sleep over.

This is just really big to me. I was pacing around this afternoon as the hours kept passing, trying to keep busy and not think about it. I was distracted and a bit irritated. Shaky almost.

It reminded me of the day I got married and how anxious my Dad was. I didn’t realize it at the time.

For some reason, I was alone with my mom and dad and we were at their house. We were all in their bedroom, a lovely memory of the three of us on their bed. My Dad was acting this same way. He was grumpy and distracted. Irritable and aloof. Which, if you knew Roger Padden, was NOT him at all.

I’m smiling now remembering it because I kept saying “Are you ok, Dad?”

I know now he was worried and anxious.

As am I.

It’s cool to come full circle and identify with your parents as fellow parents and not just big people put in your life to embarrass you and tell you NO all of the time.

It’s a big thing, this “letting go” business. I am ALL for it. It doesn’t mean it makes it any easier.

I would be surprised if Hadley knew of my anxiety as I have given nothing away. From me there has been nothing but nonchalance and talk of the awesomeness of it all.

I’ve encouraged that fully. I have always wanted my baby girl to have big, beautiful, strong wings. I want nothing more for her than to soar.

Luckily, there is NO confidence lacking with our Hadley Joan as evidenced by this pic I took of her this morning at Finn’s karate class. She came downstairs dressed like this and kept the sunglasses on inside the whole time. You can’t see the rest of the outfit but it was a long dress, jeweled sandals, complete with a bracelet that she turned into an anklet. She’s not posing, she was really standing there like that. (shaking my head laughing) Will I regret that I think this is hysterical and do nothing to discourage it?

HJ_MovieStar - Copy

4 comments:

Sheri Nugent | July 25, 2009 at 11:39 PM

This flashed me back to about 1994 or so. Taylor was about 10 maybe. We were in Paris. I wanted her to have confidence, strength, self-sufficiency, etc. So I let her go maybe 3 blocks ALONE to get ice cream for all of us (me, Morgan, &T). The entire 10 minutes she was gone I was terrified... she was out of my safety pod. Several other times (Ireland, Belgium) I let the pair of them go on their own for brief intervals - to let them feel like capable citizens of the world. Like they owned their space - stretching their precious little wings just a bit. Important, I think, to raise stong, confident women. And oh so scary when you're the parent/auntie letting go... just a little... just for a moment. (I'll admit... sometimes I creeped around out of their sight to watch... just to make sure all was well). You're a good momma - Hadley will learn good things from this adventure.

Michelle | July 26, 2009 at 5:09 AM

I love that you've written about this. You've put into words what I've been feeling all week about our guy.

Taylor | July 27, 2009 at 3:21 PM

I have said for years, Ms. Joan is a blessing for me because I get to see what I think Mrs. Smith was like as a child. If this is true, Ms. Joan will be something to reckon with. She will be brilliant, strong, good natured, hilarious, and a wicked good time. I just love that about her and cannot imagine her not being a shiny new penny all her life!

suzanneb | July 27, 2009 at 7:43 PM

love this story! letting go is tougher than I ever thought- and it keeps hitting me at every stage. I think my Will would love your Hadley!