Dragging Me Down Again

Dragging Me Down Again

Perhaps the week is catching up with me. Perhaps my reprieve is over. Perhaps that lupus bitch overheard me yesterday at a cafe telling KDH I felt pretty good. Obviously, that’s not ok, so during the night she slithered into my bed and attacked my body as I slept.

Is that weird that I humanize lupus? I sort of enjoy it. Lupus IS a villain. Why not humanize her? If only to entertain myself. And she’s a she, of course, because a man could not embody this enigmatic, devious, cruel, transient disease the way a woman could. At least in my mind. Also, the thought of a male disease repressing me is too aggravating.

Anyway, my long rambling point, is that I don’t feel well.

I’ve hit the wall. Every single time it happens,  I try to run down what was the cause of this flare. (the weather? did I do too much? What did I eat?) It’s maddening. Stress is a huge component. Who lives without stress? And as of late, I have had my fair share. I’m over doctors offices and tests and poking and prodding. I’m over the anxiety these tests unfurl upon me, and the places it takes my brain.

Oy.

Been listening to this album lately and only today did I think “Hey, that’s my song”…

Hit the Wall

I’ve got 500 reasons to get upset,

but I’d rather laugh it off and go and make a mess.

Gotta whole lot of demons acting up in my head but I refuse to cut a deal just yet

Oh no, when the world is dragging me down again

Yes, I know, yes, I know, I can turn things around my friend

But I hit the wall again

I hit the wall again

No more imagining

Think I hit the wall again

I don’t know how it started or how it’s gonna end

But I feel it rising, rising, rising

And no more money for the penny arcade it never stopped me from playing

I haven’t found my way across this wild terrain it never stopped me from dreaming

oh no, weight of the world is dragging me down again

Yes, I know, yes, I know, I can turn things around my friend

But I hit the wall again

I hit the wall again

No more imagining

I hit the wall again

-- “Hit the Wall” Elizabeth and the Catapult

 

My mood sort of matches the weather. It’s like Fall here. Chilly, rainy and dark. Reminds me of Seattle. Meanwhile, in Seattle, my friends are frying in the 100 degree heat! Except EVM, who is reveling in it somewhere. I can feel her smiling. Stay cool the rest of you!